Pins and Needles

Sometime this month I will complete forty years and my son will complete nine years of existence on this planet. All i feel is numb, tired and dumb, life has drained best out of me in last forty years. I don't know if I can call this state 'pins and needles' but its the only way I can describe my paralytic state of mind. I am enjoying this state, it is a good break from 'feeling' anything. I hope its a transient phase and my consciousness stream will become active again.

Meanwhile I am enjoying going in as an substitute teacher to my son's school once in a while. Its a joy to be in his classroom. I guess I am fortunate to be his 'teacher' too apart from being mother and friend. It is amazing to see us switch roles from mother-son to teacher-student. I am proud of my little boy for being so normal about it and not taking any liberties during my class. He simply becomes a student, one of many adorable students of his class and school.

Many people have been skeptical about my decision to put him in an international school. I am told too much of freedom and less discipline will harm him. I never understand why and how can discipline be forced on a child or an adult? Time will only tell how self-disciplined he will be when he grows up. And self discipline never comes without total freedom, does it?

I am looking forward for another week in my son's school this month. Probably it is the best way to celebrate.