Ramblings

Greetings From Pune!

2011-07-10T01:46:00.000-07:00

Yes. I am visiting my own blog after more than six months. In these months I have migrated from East of India to West just like birds do following their calls. I still really cant comprehend what my true calling is, nevertheless, here I am, trying to settle down in a new city, walking down new roads, discovering new book stores and new books. Its same me, at a different latitude and longitude, trying to tackle the same problems and realities, only the geographical location has changed but it feels great to live in a city nestled in the Sahyadri hills.

Unfortunately I had to spend first couple of weeks in different clinics but I am glad to have found trustworthy doctor who cured me of Vertigo and E.Coli and a nice dentist who walked into her clinic with flowers and smile and cured my dental agony (my agony was of course her ecstasy, for she charged me a lot like all modern dentists do). My son as always has been great support during this difficult phase. It feels great to be back at my keyboard and share my tales again.

There is this one book I would recommend highly today to all book worms- Other Colours by Orhan Pamuk. I felt so normal after reading these essays and my madness, my travel, my restlessness, my search for my space, dignity and inner peace doesn't seem to be all in vain. I know, I don't need to validate it all through others quotes and books, but, trust me my faith and belief both had deserted me and I am glad its all coming back. I can now trust absolute strangers and build a life here in this new city without old fears and paranoia. In this city, I have also met old relations and friends I didn't expect to meet and best part is ,I feel same after two decades, its like picking up old conversation. I am also visiting ancient archeological sites with my son. I am eating familiar traditional Maharashtra food after two decades and introducing different culture, language to my son. Its been mixed bag so far. I am waiting to get back my energy levels to climb some forts around here. Each city has something to offer to every weary traveler, for me its given me a fresh breath of air which i needed!

Happy New Year to All

2010-12-30T10:05:00.000-08:00

Christmas and New year celebrations have really lifted my spirits. I am really surprised that I am signing off a rather disappointing year on a very positive note. There comes time when one gets tired and looks away from all realities and chaos of one's life. I now accept chaos and absurdity as only norms.

I am going for my daily walk and looking at life from a safe distance. I make no plans when I leave the house but most of the times my feet take me to bookshops. I have added more books to my collection. One day I took my son to an art gallery and had great time watching him watch huge canvasses, riot of colors and sculptures. His interpretation and perception is very unbiased and different. It was an inaugural day of an exhibition and even artists were keen to know which picture captivated his attention the most.

I also watched an extraordinary bilingual movie, Arekti Premer Galpo (Just Another Love Story) based on lives of two cross-dressing transsexuals. It was the first time I went alone to a modern multiplex to watch a movie. It reminded me of good old days when I use to go out and watch classics in international film festivals, movie-clubs. Only the feeling of excitement and anticipation was missing but movie truly surprised me. Probably because it projected vulnerability of an individual as strength and suffering of transsexuals and homosexuals too was viewed in a wider context. It hit the bulls eye, the problem truly lies in human society which enjoys to marginalize and oppress the minority of all kinds. Its a sick perverse society which enjoys stoning others for pleasure and leisure.

Last week I was shocked to read about Iranian director Jafar Panahi being sent to prison and banned from making films because he tried to project reality through his movies. I often watch his movies on one of the TV channels and they are amazing small magical parables which essentially explore ideas of freedom and independence of an individual. Then came the news that Dr. Binayak Sen has been sentenced to life imprisonment on the charges of sedition. How many more creative, compassionate souls will be crucified by the State? Why 'Power' invariably gives birth to demons? Kudos to these brave hearts who will continue their good work even from prison. No one can imprison good compassionate human soul.

I have no expectations from next year, no resolutions either. Like the famous song goes, Whatever Will be, Will be.

Wish you all a very Happy New Year!!!

Not an Ordinary Year

2010-12-21T01:09:00.000-08:00

I am watching another year go by. This year was not like rest years of my life. I faced many a storms including painful episodes of my mother shifting out to stay alone at the age of seventy and my son’s abuse in school. Life humbled me a lot in this one year; it stripped me of my confidence, creativity, sanity and even support systems. You can say I have lost most of my treasures including my peace of mind. Sad part is I can’t even comprehend or count my precious losses.

I don’t want to spend last few remaining days of the year counting my losses. But some images will certainly haunt me forever. Images of my bent mother bending to show me gratitude, my terrorized son pleading desperately not to send him to school after his class teacher had abused him, a young relative transforming into someone else and vanishing into dark world. Most importantly, I will never forget my helplessness and suicidal rage in the face of it all.

My only solace is I did what I could for my mother and my little son. But I have lost my complete trust and faith in humanity and human kindness I must mention silver linings of this dark year – few friends who believed me and gave me courage to hang on, my son’s new school which opened doors to me as well and great authors and musicians who illuminated my darkest nights.

Biggest realization has been, one really has to face music alone in life. Life is a solo performance. I am so often tempted to end this disappointing solo act but I cannot, I have one important audience, my cheerleader and supporter, my little son.

A Journey

2010-12-14T05:41:00.000-08:00

A Journey

Why? evolves to

Why not?

Hopeful becomes

Hopeless

Meaningful dissolves

Into Meaningless

A journey from

Evolution to

Dissolution?

Pins and Needles

2010-12-07T19:21:00.000-08:00

Sometime this month I will complete forty years and my son will complete nine years of existence on this planet. All i feel is numb, tired and dumb, life has drained best out of me in last forty years. I don't know if I can call this state 'pins and needles' but its the only way I can describe my paralytic state of mind. I am enjoying this state, it is a good break from 'feeling' anything. I hope its a transient phase and my consciousness stream will become active again.

Meanwhile I am enjoying going in as an substitute teacher to my son's school once in a while. Its a joy to be in his classroom. I guess I am fortunate to be his 'teacher' too apart from being mother and friend. It is amazing to see us switch roles from mother-son to teacher-student. I am proud of my little boy for being so normal about it and not taking any liberties during my class. He simply becomes a student, one of many adorable students of his class and school.

Many people have been skeptical about my decision to put him in an international school. I am told too much of freedom and less discipline will harm him. I never understand why and how can discipline be forced on a child or an adult? Time will only tell how self-disciplined he will be when he grows up. And self discipline never comes without total freedom, does it?

I am looking forward for another week in my son's school this month. Probably it is the best way to celebrate.

Milan Kundera and Being

2010-11-25T19:43:00.000-08:00

After many days I found a book which I read through day and night without a wink of sleep or sense of fatigue. Milan Kundera has that ability to take readers on an imaginative trip while keeping them rooted in the reality of human existence. Immortality is a novel, but through it he has explored many philosophical questions which are unavoidable.

What I liked about the book is his ability to create characters and give them a modern life full of modern dilemmas. It is a novel within novel which is created out of one single gesture of a woman. So we see birth of Agnes, a very real but fictional character and her life journey becomes our own. People created around Agnes are interesting too because they are so real with real eccentricities, obsessions and fixations. This book is a meditation about life, death, being, love, sex, immortality, human memory, human mind and manipulations and human indulgences like music, literature, art and even war.

What I simply enjoyed reading was the conversation between Hemingway and Goethe in the other world. They are taking a walk in the other world long after their deaths and they discuss the images they have left behind. Images, which have made them immortal but over which they no longer have any control. We actually see a flip side of immortality.

Milan Kundera reduces great men and art to images and even imitations of themselves. All philosophy, literature, music, art is a mirror to view the human world but he also questions the validity of that very mirror and what it reflects. At one point, all the past understanding of human nature and life by great men actually looks like a baggage we can do without because it hardly comes to any aid when we face real existential dilemmas.

I also believe in what he says about importance of chance and coincidence. Isn't it a coincidence that when I was thinking about death and immortality I came across Immortality and Milan Kundera's reflections on the subject? The book made me laugh, wonder, ponder and observe human life from a happy distance.

It is also a happy coincidence and chance that I can share my ramblings without any inhibitions with some friends and strangers who chance upon it.Yes, please forgive me for my imperfect English, I am a bad editor with a lazy brain. I know, it is no excuse, but right now I want to ramble for no particular reason, maybe a time will come when I will start editing my sentences before hitting 'Publish Post'. Right now, the state of mind I am in, each blog is my momentary death, I have no wish to become immortal.

Facebook and Immortality

2010-11-21T20:12:00.000-08:00

Recently I re-activated my facebook account after a gap of few months. This was the second time I was doing so. I like this control option of facebook because it lets me disappear from public eye and what I like more is every time I re-activate I hardly notice any change. Some 'friends' and their wall updates just remain the same which almost implies our social behaviour and the image we project to the world by sharing links, views hardly ever changes. This gives me a sense of permanency in the world where everything is so fleeting and transient.

Social media has made it possible to live out our lives in open. We can choose any mask to hide our ugly spots and create an illusion that we are what we project to be. But there are many brazen and bold people who just let their thoughts and ideas flow freely in public domain. I had one such 'friend' on facebook. A New York based blogger shared even little moments of his routine life on facebook. I was a not keen follower of his blog, website nor an active friend on facebook or twitter. I don't think i ever interacted with him except for accepting his friend request. But still through his regular updates he let me have a glimpse of his life, his thoughts and his amazing essays. It was extremely generous of him. His social media skills were awesome because he had more than 2000 friends and followers on facebook and blogs. He was one of the friends whose updates I subconsciously expected but didnt really look forward to. His presence was so distant that when I re-activated my facebook I really didn't miss his updates for few days, but someone really seemed missing from my facebook.

Two days ago I was 'editing' my friends list and I saw his name. Even when I clicked on his name I was thinking he must have put up link of his new essay on art, literature or an update about his daily walk to bookstore to read New York Times. But what I saw on his profile page numbed me. His wall was full of condolence messages and obituary links. It took me a while to comprehend that he had died. I went back in time to look for his last update and it was indeed about his regular walk for coffee and New York Times. After that there were messages confirming his death. It was so unexpected and I really wanted to reach out to know what had happened and I had no other option but to send a message to his facebook account itself. I really hoped someone had access to his account but now it seems highly unlikely.

It is a new reality that our virtual personas and identities will outlive all of us. There is no way to know about death in advance and we won't even get time to de-activate our accounts or put up a farewell note. These social media accounts and walls will be our tombstone and epitaphs, which we will not be around to see or read. Ofcourse human memory is short and a person does get erased but still we can leave behind our virtual footprint if we want to.

Now I have a non-existent person on my friends list and it really seems absurd to delete him. His virtual footprints on social media sites and most importantly his thoughts, ideas, writings have remained and they have made him immortal. I admire his family, friends and colleagues efforts to maintain his websites. Everything is there except him.

Sacrificial Lambs - A Quiet Journey to the Platter

2010-11-14T21:47:00.000-08:00

Last night I took a tram ride with my son and as it passed through the old part of the city, under a flyover, we saw goats, lambs and cows in large numbers huddled together. The place was crowded and it looked like Sunday cattle market.

As the tram passed close to them, I saw their brilliant dark eyes and innocent faces. Did they know their fate? None of them struggled desperately to be free. Maybe they trusted their masters. Sometimes price of trust is too high!

I felt weird to be witness to their last moments of life. Some of them were fidgeting for no reason, others were calling out, some were looking for a tiny blade of grass on that concrete roadside. They were all very much alive, almost defining Life. My son wanted to bring one home as pet. I glanced helplessly at hundreds of them. Did I see or imagine fear in their eyes?

Cinderella

2010-11-10T13:39:00.000-08:00

These days I spin luxury blogs for some websites. It is certainly not easy to spin a yarn about luxury yachts, top fashion brands, top luxury hotels and all the extreme indulgences of the rich. But its work and a good escape too - I get to go on a virtual trip. I walk down fashion streets of best cities where brands open new stores and I can go sea faring too.

Yesterday I was amused to read and write about some super luxury shoe brand's plan of opening a new store in Beijing and not only that, they are planning to change designs to suit tastes of the east. Yes, China is opening doors to them all but it still has iron walls. Hong Kong, Shanghai are leaving Japan, US behind in luring investments and brands. What do we call communists in power with capitalist wealth? No wonder China is furious about Nobel Peace price being given to jailed human rights activist, even countries need to maintain brand images and reputations these days.

I often think about Cinderella story, there was a Prince who went in search of her, but I doubt whether these luxury brands, super rich will ever go in search of poverty stricken beauties like Haiti. Of course luxury world and celebrities do a lot of charity work, they donate money and they mobilize lot of funds but it never really reaches the distressed. Money circulates only in certain orbits.

I watch rich people's world which has both means and ends and I glance at Haiti's news where earthquake victims still don't have a shelter. Rich business houses are the true winners - they make money, they create means to spend more money and thus money is kept in circulation within rich and if possible they siphon off more money from wannabe middle class, neo rich and even poor farmers. There is very little scope of trickling it down ever thanks to geopolitical and economic state of the world. The only hope for uneducated poor are the reality shows which can turn their life around. Yes, fairy tales do happen in this world where billionaires are important than the billions.

Have you ever tried traveling from Haiti to China via US and Europe without moving an inch? I am sorry, I have turned into a bad tired rambler...I must sleep.

Daily Life

2010-11-03T22:16:00.000-07:00

Big Fish, Tiny Fish

Moving behind glass

Going in Circles

Watching

Room

People

Going in Circles

Daily Life

Goes on

No Beginnings

No Ends

Only New replacing

Old

Planet Spins

Goes in Circles

Moon Spins

And Goes in Circles too

Just like Thoughts

All Meaningless

But they

Exist

Daily Life

Goes on in Circles

Even after

Exit

Human Relations and Schrodinger's Cat

2010-10-30T21:41:00.000-07:00

I feel human relations are paradoxical like the hypothetical Schrodinger's Cat. The moment you want to make measurement and poke it you realize its either dead or alive. Maybe its best to let it be, know its there and feel its presence. Why open the box when one of the possibilities is definitely hideous?

Some courageous, curious souls often open the boxes only to find the cat dead and for some lucky souls it comes alive to give company and warmth. But then when is the cat ever real?

My Daily Walk

2010-10-30T00:25:00.000-07:00

For some reason and at times for no reason I have started stepping out everyday for a walk or a bus ride. I like watching life and seeing faces which hide their life history and stories. No, I don't even want to attempt reading minds or talking to strangers but still I like observing and connecting to life...

One day I did not get a seat in the bus and as I stood I felt someone moving closely behind me. I felt disgusted. I turned around with anger and was shocked to see this tall well built tough looking man sobbing and trembling. His body was shaking uncontrollably. He glanced at me for a second and moved away but yet his sobbing continued. I moved away too but I kept glancing at him. He was not answering calls, he didn't care where he was and who was around him and seemed really heartbroken. He answered only one call and said he was on his way and they should wait for him. Probably he had lost someone very close and dear. I looked away and let him have his private moment of grief in the over crowded bus. Sometimes crowd gives us privacy which privacy of home denies.

Yesterday I was again in a bus and this time I was in no mood to glance at life around me. Suddenly a small girl broke my silence and cycle of thoughts. She was traveling with her mother and had no inhibitions and her round big eyes had lots of questions. She asked me, 'Where are you going?' I told her the place. She immediately corrected my pronunciation. Then she again demanded, "What is there in the place where you are going?" Next question was, "Where did you go?" "What was there in the place you went to?" I was getting annoyed but she was so full of joy and laughter that I didn't want to be rude to her. She kept on talking and smiling and I kept answering patiently. Suddenly she asked, "Don't you know how to get angry and show your big eyes to people who trouble you?" I told her, "No". Then she quickly turned to me and said, "Wait, let me teach you". She enacted range of emotions and showed me how to show anger and how to make scary faces to scare people away. In that crowded bus that little angel taught me an important lesson of life.

The Haunted Old Mall

2010-10-27T20:54:00.000-07:00

Like any other city of the world, Calcutta has undergone change and there are many new swanky shopping malls everywhere. These modern shopping malls have become a rage among young shoppers and why not? They offer best of brands and products at best prices and plus there are food courts, restaurants to hang out.

Any change is good but I feel very sad when I enter old shopping zones of the city which are probably more than hundred years old. The New Market is one such place which has shops selling almost everything including awesome bakery products. The old building with ancient architecture is very compelling but the emptiness there is so haunting. Just other day, couple of years ago it was difficult to step in to New Market during peak shopping seasons.

Yesterday out of pure impulse I walked into another old, once famous a.c market and my immediate urge was to run out of there. It was swanky and clean but very empty. It seemed as though I was the only shopper who had entered the place since morning and the very moment I stepped in all shop keepers starting shouting out loud to get my attention. There was an escalator which was not working, so I decided to take stairs to check out the other floors. But the moment I turned away from escalator it started moving and it took me a while to realize that there was a man sitting there to operate it every time a shopper stepped on it. It came across more as cost cutting measure than energy saving one. It was the same story on the first floor - many small shops and no buyers. Shopkeepers looked desperate to sell but it was scary and I felt like a prey being hounded by many predators.I ran out.

The emptiness, the sudden moment of escalator and voices calling out kept haunting me through the day.

Floating in Space

2010-03-10T03:11:00.000-08:00

Why is it hard to believe that I am indeed floating in empty space?
We are on a free trip around the sun remember?

Is it only gravity that keeps us glued?
Is only gravity that defines our weight?

I look at the stars in the dark night
To remind myself that dark space around me is empty and not dense

Then why does it seem so dense?
So suffocating?

I struggle to stand out
I struggle to feel special

Its a momentary struggle
Lasting a lifetime only for me

Nameless faceless
I stand glued to this blue planet
As it takes me on a free ride around the sun

A Lunatic and the Curse

2009-10-04T23:47:00.000-07:00

A lunatic
Hurling a stone
Tearing clothes
Eating dirt
Sleeping with dogs
Raging against the world
Mocking it hysterically
Always on the move
Reminds of a curse
Curse of being misunderstood
And abandoned
Yet defying all curses
Lunatic survives
Mocking humanity, sanity
And the sanitized world

Paths in the Woods

2009-10-04T04:23:00.000-07:00

The paths I never took
they beckon me sometimes
Lost in the woods
I wonder if that path
Which I never explored still exists

It was a wild path
Dark and full of thorns
It had not fooled me
With promises of destination

Lost in the woods
I no longer seek
a way out
But I must find my
Final resting ground

Chains of Liberation

2009-01-12T17:35:00.000-08:00

You ask “Why don’t you dance with joy?”
There have been infinite invisible chains around my feet
I never knew that I was supposed to undo them one by one
I kept them all ‘as gifts’
I waited for some loving hands to undo them
I didn’t know I have to undo them myself
One day you came along
And laughed at me…
You reached down my feet
But ended up adding one more chain
Now I struggle to undo them one by one
Only one of them can’t be undone
It’s the ‘chain of liberation’
Which you gave me as a farewell gift!!!
1999

An Idiot

2009-01-07T12:26:00.000-08:00

When She looked at the horizon
They laughed
They called her an 'Idiot'
No one knew
She could see that the sky never kissed the earth

When She looked at the Sky
They laughed
Idiot
No one knew she was looking at the infinite space seeking

When She kissed a youth
They mocked
'What would an idiot know about love?'
No one knew it was her way of paying compliments to Life
For being alive, for being able to laugh and cry and...
For being able to love

1999

On reading and books

2009-01-02T19:01:00.000-08:00

To hide myself and my face i decided to bury myself in a book. The words looked strange. I couldn't correlate them. The string of thoughts went on in the back ground, tearing me away from the book. The more disturbed I was, the more I tried to lose myself in the words and search for their meanings. I masked myself in them. Slowly I weaved myself into the words and structure of the book. As meaning and story emerged, I no longer needed a mask and there was no need to hide!!
1999

Thoughts from the past...

2009-01-01T19:53:00.000-08:00

A Pebble
I wish I was a smooth pebble lying on a roadside wilderness. Watching everything objectively. An object. A small hand would have picked me and felt my smoothness on cheek and may have carried me home. A mother's hand would have thrown me out of window, on to the city road. A bored leg would have kicked me and carried me along. Thus I would have travelled along...I don't want to be a milestone. I just wish I were a pebble...
1999

Leaf, girl and the artist
All the leaves have fallen...
I look at one small leaf on that lone standing tree and wonder whether its painted...and whether my life truly depends on it. I remember a story of a girl who lived looking at the painted leaf and the artist who died while painting the leaf. Did the artist deceive the girl?
1999

Hoping For Peace and Prosperity

2008-12-31T13:13:00.000-08:00

Hope 2009 will be mixed bag of surprises....
Hope all warriors will return home safe...
Hope all Arms factories will shut down due to recession...
Hope there will be no reason to stock arms...
Hope there will be reverse migration and local community will prosper...
Hope world will learn to go global without disturbing the local...
Hope it'll be a green and peaceful world...

Every year people hope and wish for peace, safety and prosperity at midnight
But life itself is a mixed bag of surprises...
It tries to bring some people closer to peace and prosperity by robbing others of it...
Hope world learns to divide and share peace and prosperity...
Hope it'll be a another peaceful round trip around the sun...

Never Die Spirit

2008-12-27T10:15:00.000-08:00

'Never die spirit' is oft quoted phrase for people and cities who bounce back to normalcy after a devastating experience. Bombay seems to be forever on the rebound. Cities can't stop. Financial capitals can never stop in tracks.

Last month on this day hundreds were caught in the cross-fires and ires of terrorists. Hundreds were shifted to one of the hospitals with injury. As the camera zoomed in hospital wards, another tale of another day kept coming back...

Many years ago someone took birth there against all odds. It was a sort of medical research history. Mother was ill. The unborn child was not of choice. Conceived in spite of and along with metal contraceptive, it was a rarest of rare case. It was too advanced a stage for abortion without risking mother's life. So non-medical efforts were made to force a natural abortion. Yet the little one survived. Doctors at that hospital made sure the child was delivered safely without a scratch from the metal loop inside. The miraculous birth went into hospital records. That child had indeed showed 'Never Die Spirit'.

It is the spirit present in everyone which makes sure we survive against and in spite of all odds. Battle against odds begins at the early embryonic stage itself!!!

Yet another year passes by...

2008-12-22T11:32:00.000-08:00

The silent march of Time continues. Yet another year has passed by. One year added to my age and one subtracted from my lifetime. Many years ago a rebel was born who slowly lost all the will to fight. For there were no battles to be won. It felt better if others won them. It felt even better to hide in sidelines and see the spotlight on someone else. It made better sense to drop out of the race than win them...

Now is the time to lend a hand to little one and I don't know why I am teaching him to win. Can't reach depth within nor can soar high...yearned to be an ordinary next door girl...ordinary life it has been in this extraordinary world...

Ramblers Are Refugees

2008-12-15T19:29:00.000-08:00

True, ramblers are basically refugee, seeking a meaning and shelter while being lost in the wilderness of the world. Once home, all the search and seek may end. But what if someone finds meaning in the search itself? Wandering, faltering, getting lost, finding way ahead without reaching destination becomes a way of life. Some are addicted to journeys and have no goals to reach.

Bombay's outrage: Are only politicians responsible?

2008-12-06T07:42:00.000-08:00

It been 10 days since the terrible terror attack at Bombay. Probably this is the first time all people of the city, right from pavement dwellers near CST to south B'bay elite are affected and are very angry. People are hero worshipping NSG cammandos and politicians are getting brickbats. Bombay and India seems to be waking up from long stupor and asking right questions but unfortunately its only too late in the day.

We all learn in school lessons that India is a secular country. But not all people of India and specially educated class of India practice secularism and are tolerant about other religions. After more than 60 years of independence and bloody partition people of other religion are held in doubt and hatred. There are very few inter-religion and inter-caste marriages. Majority of Indians are superstitious about religion, caste, creed and even gender! Added to these are class prejudices. So people who are poor, of low caste, belonging minority religion and majority of women across all religions have remained neglected inspite of great progress of the nation.

I believe, we people of India, are equally responsible for the state we are in. We have allowed politicians to manipulate our sentiments. We have allowed politicians and bureaucrats to be corrupt by looking other way. We have bribed police forces to bail us out of troubles. We have allowed fanatic groups to tear down mosques to build temples or vice versa or kill people in the name of religion. We have neglected our children and youth. It is the educated class with unbridled ambition of personal growth and hunger for assets which is equally responsible for the state we are in.

Unless each individual changes his/her mindset and attitude things are not going to change. We get what we truly deserve at the end of the day. We must improve ourselves to prove that we deserve better than this.

Change is Quasistatic

2008-11-06T04:25:00.000-08:00

Change has indeed come to America. It took decades maybe. But mindsets did change. May be not all. No society changes overnight. Any change is a quasistatic process. Slow but definite and irreversible. It is visible only when we see it happening all around us. It was visible in America yesterday when people of all colours and nations cheered Obama.

Society can change only when each individual becomes an agent of change and is willing to change his/her mindset and give up all prejudices. We all are equal. Race, religion, caste etc are the tags imposed by society. Our basic identity is that we are human beings. Unless we choose to be beasts.

We need true freedom from hatred which is taking us back to dark ages. I hope we learn to value peace and equality. Lets hope America takes another bold step towards ending conflicts and wars. We are waiting, America.

A walk across the border

2008-10-17T11:53:00.000-07:00

Recently I took a leisure walk of few hours in another country without having to sign papers or security checks. We walked freely in to Phuntsillong, Bhutan from Jaigaon, India. Those few hours reinstated my belief that borders are no longer geographical but are essentially political.

Many a dreamers have dreamt about countries without borders (and conflicts). But increasingly geographic borders have become LoC, war zones, breeding ground of insurgents and rebels and political agendas.

Be it Kashmir or Georgia or any other conflict around the globe. The bone of contention is the same: demand for separate state, demand for redefined border or boundary, demand to have control over a piece of land. Political and extremists leaders seem to want new borders only to erect new barbed wire fences, to deploy more army and confine human movements. But path for true sustained peace between countries must lie in increased human exchange and mutual trust. History shows conflicts make way only for more conflicts.

Indo-Bhutan war has been relegated to history pages and what I saw and felt was mutual trust and friendship in the border-zone on either side. Military was present and watchful but not suspicious. I was surprised to see even currencies being exchanged freely. Maybe compulsions of politics, trade and economy have forced countries to have more open borders. But it definitely has brought in peace in the serene hills dotting Indo-Bhutan border.

As I walked away from border I had a new hope and dream that someday world will have freedom from all conflicts and there will be a new dawn of freedom and peace.

Why world loves to hate?

2008-07-10T11:19:00.000-07:00

Hitler hated Jews. So he mobilized people and machinery to eradicate the whole race. His concentration camps became death industry. He didn’t need nuclear weapons of mass destruction. He used basic hatred and intolerance to his advantage.

World hated Hitler. So there was war. World wars left millions dead and created a new geopolitical history. America destroyed Hiroshima and Nagasaki by nuclear bombs. Again multitudes of people died and suffered nuclear holocaust. Hating can be justified but mass killing?

At present Robert Mugabe is using the same time tested weapon of hate. How else can Zanu PF and militia kill and maim fellow Zimbabweans? Only extreme emotion and mass hysteria can carry out such genocide.

Most countries of African continent are engaged in ethnic conflicts. They rape, abuse, kill and butcher men, women, girls and children.

Al-Qaeda’s jihad hates anti-muslim world and has mobilized support from all pro-Islamic groups and has trained them to love one cause and hate another so much that they can blow themselves up along with the targets.

US hates fundamentalists and terrorists and everyone who wants to harm its interest. It declares war and destroys Iraq and parts of Afghanistan. More killings.

There are internal conflicts in many countries all round the world where they breed hatred in the name of god, religion, race, development, politics and even language.

In countries like India, female infanticide is rampant. They hate girl children. Can we call it gender hatred?

Hatred and intolerance leaves millions dead, raped, abused and brutally injured all over the world. Who will curb this WMD used by one and all in present society and politics?
Is human race evolving at all? Why do we need to hate? Why hate works? Technology has only made killing more easy and sophisticated. It hasn’t taught the world to love and heal. It hasn’t taught us to work towards egalitarian goals. Instead of bridges we have wider chasms. Maybe I am looking only at the darker side of the moon…I hope I am getting it all wrong…

The Storm

2008-05-29T12:43:00.000-07:00

Light breeze kissing the leaves
Dancing waves touching the shore
Whisper to me
A storm is on the way…
I want to be silent
I do not want to burden the wind
For my words might trigger a storm
I wait silently for the storm to pass
Once again I shall be ready
To throw my words to the winds

1999

Reality:Real and Virtual

2008-05-07T11:43:00.000-07:00

Kamal ghar bagh...
Kamal, see the house...
Thus begins one of the lessons in primary school texts in Marathi (Maharashtra, India). The book carries a picture of a smart girl-child with colourful frock but another picture flashes simultaneously in the mind of another Kamal, one of the many Kamals that we come across in our households as maid servants. They are dutiful and professional as maids, but unfortunately live only as servants. Inspite of free education for girls in Maharashtra and other states and many incentives by government and organisations we have many Kamals and Reshmis today, who by choice prefer to live as maid servants. They drop-out at a very early age from school.
Kamal and Reshmi prefer accompanying their mothers (who too are house maids) at a very early age. They become very familiar to the interiors of middle class and upper middle class houses. They help their mothers clean the houses. School? Kamal's mother general reply, “She doesn't like going to school...she has no brains...she is only good for household labour” and Kamal smiles shyly and keeps making negative gesture whenever school is mentioned. Soon she begins to work independently and earns quite a bit thanks to the enlightened middle class or upper class houses. She will be very fortunate if one of her employers sees a daughter in her and motivates her to continue her education, acquire some skills and slowly make a professional shift. But majority of them continue as house servants...they are exploited and at times molested too...married off at very early age and they get resigned to their fate. Their reality can be much worse if they become victims because of their sex.
These two are the two sides of the same coin; government wants to eradicate child labour, education is free for girl-childs, there are social workers who try to trace the drop-outs and there are adult literacy and sex education programmes and there are Kamals!!! These dropped out Kamals come back to adult literacy programmes after learning the hard way about the need of education.
Why is our Primary education so uninteresting? Even the incentives of free books, lunch can't lure them to schools. They find virtual reality of well to do houses where their mothers work more interesting. They seem to prefer the touch and feel of glass showcases, watch TV depending on owner’s generosity, eat good leftover food than the dull class rooms, dictating teachers, no blackboards and distasteful food. It takes years before the reality hits them hard. Can't we make our primary education more interesting with the use of modern technology?
We need to hold back such Kamals, shape their futures differently rather than have them back as adult learners with very few options and choices ahead. After all not all Kamals return as adult learners; some just get lost in this world.

Foxes in my backyard

2008-03-18T13:10:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time outskirts of Kolkata were very green and wild. Some generations of that era are still lurking behind whatever that is left of the foliage. In some parts of Salt Lake and greenery behind Airport one can hear wild call of the foxes at night. There may be more of them in other further outskirts of the metro. As the green patches slowly vanishes one wonders where will they go? Is this the last generation calling out to the moon? When will techno savvy human beings leave some place for other animal life to survive and breed?
Amazingly these foxes never disturb the humans. They live off the leftovers spilled by humans and whatever small animals and birds they can catch. Known as ‘sly’ animals but they can be more appropriately called ‘shy’ animals. Human beings have forever hounded and hunted them. But never read any where about these animals harming human beings. They just walk away and disappear in their holes at the slightest sign or sound of approaching feet. As the famous legend of ‘Belstone Fox’ goes (which was made into a film) they do get acquainted with human movements and learn to elude them in smarter ways!!! They attack only if threatened of immediate physical harm.
Will we ever spare a small thought for them and their habitat before turning city outskirts into concrete jungle? This planet is as much theirs as ours…can’t we preserve their habitat which consists of a small water body and green foliage with singing birds as our backyard? Mind you this will be a peaceful haven not only for them but a symbiotic ecosystem for all of us and can offer a practical insight to school kids who struggle with environment education compulsory lessons. We need to save foxes and birds for our next generation and we need their next generation to save our planet.

A break

2008-03-12T12:00:00.000-07:00

Took a long break for no particular rhyme or reason...
Feels great to pause while everything keeps going on perpetually maybe...
Earth moves, blood circulates, planets rotate...all fixed trajectories...
My thoughts seem to have no fixed path...so all the ramblings...

Conflicts

2007-11-21T19:38:00.000-08:00

Ongoing conflicts have no ends these days...they never get resolved.
One gets used to conflict news bytes and conflicting news...
Maybe conflict means good business for all...for arms sellers and buyers, negotiaters, politicians, investors, media...everyone thrives on them.
So what if innocents die in the crossfire?
In this world of inflation and sensex what is the cost of one human life?
How many get killed in one single day all over the world in such conflict zones?
YES, ofcourse life must go on...killings must go on...
All for a unknown cause...

Letting go

2007-10-28T11:12:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it is important to let go
Without saying elaborate good byes
Everyone moves on
Life goes on
Whatever one holds on with force
slips away or gets distorted
Is never ever familiar again
Sometimes it is important to forget
Without a lingering glance
Whatever that is rightfully yours
does return...does it?

Being Happy

2007-10-14T11:39:00.000-07:00

Being happy is the most sought after state
It is almost as if Earth rotates just to be happy...
There seems to be no other purpose in life than to seek happiness...
The only difference is some seek happiness for themselves
while some seek it for others...
Happiness eludes some while it resides unknowingly in some people...
No chalked out investment plans can buy it
nor can one sell it to others...
But the poorest of the poor flaunt it in on their faces
and they become the most sold pictures in the world!!

Out of tune

2007-10-09T12:23:00.000-07:00

I seem to be out of tune these days...
It all started when I became more and more out of tune with nature...
People crowd in my thoughts and useless routine imprison my days...
I want to clear up everything and soak in the colour of the sunset
but I see a plane glide away...a mobile ringing somewhere...
Factory bellowing smoke...they all come in the way...
Mind is almost hurrying the sun to go away...
Racing thoughts ruin the moment
I don't know when I'll clear up my mind and watch a clear sunset
and notice birds returning home...
I am out of tune with Nature or
rather the Nature is out of tune with me...
I envy the singing bird while no song come to my mind!

Carlos Castenda quotes

2007-10-05T19:31:00.000-07:00

People hardly ever realize that we can cut anything from our lives, any time, just like that. For example, smoking and drinking are nothing. Nothing at all if we want to drop them. Only one thing is indispensable for anything we do; the spirit. One can't do without the spirit.
* * *
Only as a warrior can one survive the path of knowledge, because the art of a warrior is to balance the terror of being a man with the wonder of being a man.
* * *

Nothing is gained by forcing an issue. If you want to survive you must be crystal clear and deadly sure of yourself. Only one thing is indispensable for anything we do; the spirit. One can't do without the spirit.
* * *

Life

2007-10-01T11:57:00.000-07:00

Why all the arrogance?
Why all the atrocities?
Why all the wars?
and the killings?
Any way your life is as limited as mine
We will all change form
either become the earth beneath
or the atoms floating around.

Life is a long chain
It'll go on even if we remove the links
or twist it
It'll unwind and shove us into our graves
and dance at the new dawn
Why make efforts to put full stops
Anyway your life is as limited as mine

Unknown faces

2007-09-15T12:20:00.000-07:00

I owe this life to three unknown faces...
Rather three hands which pulled me while I was on the brink of an abyss...
Three accidents which I survived
I owe this life to those unknown strong hands full of life...
Everytime I turned around to thank I saw life spinning around me
and backs turning in a matter of fact way...
I owe this life to the three unknown people...
Hope their tribe increases...
a tribe of rare souls who save lives in a casual
matter of fact way...

A moment

2007-08-30T20:13:00.001-07:00

From the sky i can see
i am just a moment
passing by

On earth a moment
lasting a life time
and from the stars above
not even fraction second long

From the sky i can see
i am just a moment
passing by

On earth it is seems
a never ending struggle
and from the stars above
i am yet to be born
their light hasn't touched me yet

On earth i drag my tired feet
across latitudes and longitudes
and from far stars it is unnoticed
movements

From the sky i can see
i am just a moment
passing by

In my little son i shall
be immortal
but for the life on this earth
and the infinite above
i may not even be a moment
passing by

From the sky i can see
i am just a movement
marching along with the
life on the earth

My life is a moment
passing by

Alzheimer

2007-08-16T12:53:00.000-07:00

She smiles

She sits smiling in a corner
with erasing memories
Memories sliping away
She tries marking a face
She smiles anyway

A warrior she has been
all wars forgotten
wins and losses erased
with no gameplan for a change
She smiles

She sits smiling in a corner
She forgets her previous moments
But seems to imitate
imitate her childhood maybe
She throws tantrums and
She smiles

A mother she has been
all duties and responsibilities fading
she becomes her own grand-daughter
Confused
repeating herself
She smiles

Warrior may be not
but brave she is
defying death
her immediate adversary
She smiles

Land of herds

2007-08-14T12:36:00.000-07:00

In spite of all insanity India is quite popular in the world and has always been…even before the 60 years of freedom…why else did India had to suffer and survive so many invasions and war? Why has it been a possible source of sustenance and hence attracted visitors and invaders from far flung land?
It has been the land of natural abundant resources and riches. It had potential to feed and sustain far flung countries. And what made the task easy?
Our typical Indian character. Multitudes can become slave to a single thought.
That thought can be anything…it can be God or serving British empire or slaving for freedom struggle…or working ungrudgingly in some MNC’s…or being a political party worker or a part of fanatic group or any herd. We need to belong…be a part of the larger herd. No need to see where the shepherd leads us…as long as there is enough leisure and grass to eat we can climb mountains as well and even jump down if the shepherd wants us to…
Now if our leaders want us to become fat salaried, Mall hopping, stress and amusement driven, well dressed multitudes, why not? That’s the only nation-building role available…lets all party tonight. And if the World-Leaders want our leaders to open our markets and industries or sign nuclear deals or make our back yards royal dumping ground of the excess or systematically eliminate our natural village and farming centered way of life…why not?
Lets all party tonight… There are herds of nations at another level and our nation too has to belong somewhere…
Those who can’t trek all the way and join the party…can jolly well get stressed or go insane or kill themselves or be ready to be called nerds instead of herds.

No. No. We aren’t all that dumb. This is the land of intellectuals as well. Not all want to party. Some herds head for protest march and demolishing and deconstructing.
In the name of nation-building and asserting…my herd is my comfort zone…

Do I ignore corruption? Do I work with all sincerity and honesty? Do I like the work I do?
Do I ignore mental well-being of my family?
Did I ignore my neighbor’s distressed scream?
Do I ignore the appalling living conditions forced on us?
and many more questions...

We know at all levels, be it individual or national we need to be logical and committed to resolving conflicts…we need to ask:
What is the exact problem that needs to be addressed? Are we really here with a solution or we are the part of the problem?
Are we at all interested in the solution? And so on and so forth…
But…
No time to stop and think,
I have to be with my herd or else I’ll be lost…

Schizophrenia at 60

2007-08-09T12:33:00.000-07:00

Patient: India
Case History: Independent identity for 60 years
Has forever suffered from delusions of idealisms.
Recent symptoms:
International fashion week was held world wide while its cotton farmers are killing themselves for petty debts (peanuts compared to the crores spent on cotton clothes and their presentation and advertising and event management at the Fashion week).
Dual international identity: Growing IT country and growing international investment opportunities and excellent market growth versus extremely poor rural and urban infrastructure and 90 percent of population has no buying power.
Malnourished and starving multitudes in the land of surplus food.
A political party opposes SEZ ‘s in the states while being in opposition and pushes SEZ’s by all means in the state where it rules.
Eternal identity: Mother India Ground reality: Girl children are killed mercilessly.
Icon of modern Gandhian thought for youth is convicted for carrying arms.
Hospitals are breeding ground of diseases and criminals.
Great expressions of freedom: Spitting, pissing in open, abusing, expletives, beating up, eveteasing, molesting, never protesting or helping victims.
Biggest contradictions: Children show maturity of grown ups and adults are invariably the problem children seeking attention and creating problems.

Drifting Clouds

2007-08-06T13:17:00.000-07:00

Drifting clouds
moving cotton across the blue
making shapes
giving joys
amazed little boy's eyes
Drifting eyes
moving thoughts across the mind
making notes
marking memories