Happy New Year to All

Christmas and New year celebrations have really lifted my spirits. I am really surprised that I am signing off a rather disappointing year on a very positive note. There comes time when one gets tired and looks away from all realities and chaos of one's life. I now accept chaos and absurdity as only norms.

I am going for my daily walk and looking at life from a safe distance. I make no plans when I leave the house but most of the times my feet take me to bookshops. I have added more books to my collection. One day I took my son to an art gallery and had great time watching him watch huge canvasses, riot of colors and sculptures. His interpretation and perception is very unbiased and different. It was an inaugural day of an exhibition and even artists were keen to know which picture captivated his attention the most.

I also watched an extraordinary bilingual movie, Arekti Premer Galpo (Just Another Love Story) based on lives of two cross-dressing transsexuals. It was the first time I went alone to a modern multiplex to watch a movie. It reminded me of good old days when I use to go out and watch classics in international film festivals, movie-clubs. Only the feeling of excitement and anticipation was missing but movie truly surprised me. Probably because it projected vulnerability of an individual as strength and suffering of transsexuals and homosexuals too was viewed in a wider context. It hit the bulls eye, the problem truly lies in human society which enjoys to marginalize and oppress the minority of all kinds. Its a sick perverse society which enjoys stoning others for pleasure and leisure.

Last week I was shocked to read about Iranian director Jafar Panahi being sent to prison and banned from making films because he tried to project reality through his movies. I often watch his movies on one of the TV channels and they are amazing small magical parables which essentially explore ideas of freedom and independence of an individual.  Then came the news that Dr. Binayak Sen has been sentenced to life imprisonment on the charges of sedition. How many more creative, compassionate souls will be crucified by the State? Why 'Power' invariably gives birth to demons? Kudos to these brave hearts who will continue their good work even from prison. No one can imprison good compassionate human soul.

I have no expectations from next year, no resolutions either. Like the famous song goes, Whatever Will be, Will be.

Wish you all a very Happy New Year!!!

Not an Ordinary Year

I am watching another year go by. This year was not like rest years of my life. I faced many a storms including painful episodes of my mother shifting out to stay alone at the age of seventy and my son’s abuse in school. Life humbled me a lot in this one year; it stripped me of my confidence, creativity, sanity and even support systems. You can say I have lost most of my treasures including my peace of mind. Sad part is I can’t even comprehend or count my precious losses.

I don’t want to spend last few remaining days of the year counting my losses. But some images will certainly haunt me forever. Images of my bent mother bending to show me gratitude, my terrorized son pleading desperately not to send him to school after his class teacher had abused him, a young relative transforming into someone else and vanishing into dark world. Most importantly, I will never forget my helplessness and  suicidal rage in the face of it all.

My only solace is I did what I could for my mother and my little son. But I have lost my complete trust and faith in humanity and human kindness I must  mention silver linings of this dark year – few friends who believed me and gave me courage to hang on, my son’s new school which opened doors to me as well and great authors and musicians who illuminated my darkest nights.

Biggest realization has been, one really has to face music alone in life. Life is a solo performance. I am so often tempted to end this disappointing solo act but I cannot, I have one important audience, my cheerleader and supporter, my little son.

A Journey

A Journey

Why? evolves to

Why not?

Hopeful becomes

Hopeless

Meaningful dissolves

Into Meaningless

A journey from

Evolution to

Dissolution?